Boot to the Head
by Golden-Owl
Summary: Before Ansem was banished into darkness, he made a will used for dividing his estate among his six apprentices. Unfortunately for them, they all got the same painful thing... Contains Xehanort and Even bashing.


**I must be crazy to write this. But this idea's bound to occur to someone else soon, so I'd better claim credit for it first...**

**I was watching the Phoenix Wright version of the video, and the idea suddenly occured to me then. They're quite a few coincidences when you think about it, the only person I couldn't quite fit in was Dilan (Xaldin's original name) so I had to put him into the last slot avaliable (I didn't know him very well anyways...).**

**Author's note over, I'm now going to let my favourite Organization member give the disclaimer.**

_**Luxord: Golden-Owl does not own Kingdom Hearts or the Frantics, the TV show from which this script is derived from. In fact, he doesn't really own anything in this fanfic.**_

* * *

The sun had risen in the world of Radiant Gardens. It was a beautiful weekend morning, and most of the world's residents would usually be spending their time sleeping in or having an early breakfast. The same did not hold true for the six people lounging about in the living room of a large manor.

"All right, quiet down everyone, I'm going to read out the will now-" The large man in some form of guard outfit was quickly interrupted by another man in similar garb.

"Aww why the heck d'you get to read the will Ael?" Braig chuckled as he absentmindedly scratched at a scar on his cheek.

"Because it said so on Master Ansem's instructions." Aeleus replied, shoving a piece of paper into Braig's face. "See, right there. _'As the executer of Master Ansem's estate and manor, my fifth apprentice, Aeleus, will be enpowered to read my last will and testament.'_"

"Alright already, sheesh!" Braig pushed the note away as he took a swig from the glass in front of him. "Hurry it up then Ael, the bars open soon and this glass ain't lasting all morning!"

"Its a little too early to drink right now." The oldest apprentice, Xehanort, chastised his junior, though spoiling the effect somewhat by keeping a large smirk on his face. He never expected that his mentor would have made a will for them, and they would be quick to reap the benefits seeing as how they had banished him into the darkness.

"I'm hoping Master Ansem would have left me his laboratory. He has a great deal of valuable equipment in there-" Even was immediately cut across by the youngest of the apprentices, the grey-haired Ienzo.

"Get on with the will then. This is all unpredictably boring." The teenager proclaimed in a haughty voice. He was rewarded with a slap on the head from Dilan.

"Show some respect to our dearly deceased mentor will you? I've never been apprenticed to such a kind man before." Dilan frowned at the young boy.

"Ahem!" Aeleus gave a cough to regain everyone's attention. "If we are all seated I shall proceed with the reading-"

"I knew it..." Ienzo muttered with his arms crossed. Braig chuckled as everyone took their usual seats around the large round table.

"_'I, Ansem the Wise, being of sound mind and body-_"

"Not any more he ain't! Hahaha!" Braig laughed loudly.

"_'-Do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows,'_" Aeleus ignored the second apprentice's outburst and continued to read the page with great determination. "_'- To my first and closest apprentice, Xehanort, who together with my fourth apprentice Even, grubbed for everything they could get from me-'_"

"HEY!!" Both of the mentioned men cried out in outrage.

"_'-And yet did absolutely nothing when I fell ill and needed sympathy. So to my first apprentice Xehanort, I beqeuth...a boot to the head.'_"

"A what?" Xehanort spluttered out before, like the will said, a boot flew through the window with a great crash and struck him straight in the face.

"Where did that boot come from?" Dilan wondered aloud as he stared out the broken window and down into the street. It was completely devoid of people.

"_'-And another boot to my wimpy fourth apprentice, Even.'"_ With another crash, another window was broken and another boot flew right at the mentioned apprentice, much to everyone's (especially Braig's) amusement.

"This is an outrage!" Even cried out angrily.

"And outrage? No. This is SPARTA!!" Aeleus shouted out, only to be met with a bewildered silence from the rest of the room. "Yeah, sorry. I'd always wanted to do that and the oppur-"

"Can we get on with it?" Ienzo rudely interrupted the large man's apology.

"Oh, right. _'But still, you both have admired my laboratory and since I no longer need it-'_"

"How nice of Master Ansem!" Exclaimed Even in delight.

"_' I beqeauth... another boot to their heads.'_"

"What-?" Before Xehanort could get any furthur, two more boots soared into the room to strike their targets, sending both of the men sprawling onto the floor.

Aeleus studiously ignored the flying footwear as he flipped over to another page. "_'To my second apprentice-'_"

"Hey I don't want no boot to the head!" Braig laughed as he took another gulp of his whiskey.

"_'-To dear Braig who has never conducted a successful experiment in his whole drunken life-'_"

"I'm coverin' up my head!" The gunslinger grabbed a conveniently placed bucket and quickly jammed his head into it.

"_'-I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey.'_" Braig then pulled off his head protection as he stared at Aeleus in disbelief. "Really!?"

"_'And a boot to the head.'_" There was a cry of pain from the apprentice as another boot flew in through one of the broken windows and struck his forehead. "I knew it was to good to be true..."

"_'And another to Xehanort and the wimp!'_" Two more boots flew in through the windows and smashed into the two heads as the pair emerged from under the table, resulting in more cries of pain.

"_' To my young know-it-all apprentice, Ienzo-'_"

"This is so predictable..." The boy braced himself for the impact that was sure to come.

"_'-I bequeath....a boot to the head.'_" As expected, another piece of footwear soon left a mark on the young boy's forehead. "Ugh...I knew it..."

"_'For my third apprentice, Dilan-'"_ Aeleus turned another page.

"I don't want anything!" The man exclaimed before shielding his head with his hands.

"_'-Who yielded successful experiments, made me laugh, brought up dinner to my study-'_"

"Oh it wasn't that big a deal." Dilan lowered his hands as he began to feel assured that there wouldn't be any punishment for him.

"_'-To Dilan I beqeauth... a boot to the head.'_" Dilan clutched at his jaw in pain as the flying boot missed its mark slightly.

"_'And once more for Xehanort and the wimp!'_" Two more boots flew in and collided with the apprentices as they lay on the floor, knocking them unconscious.

"_'So as a result, to my dear cat Mittens I leave my entire vast- boot to the head!'_" From somewhere in the manor, there came another thunk and the sound of a cat yowling. The four conscious apprentices stared at each other in confusion. Had Ansem gone crazy when he wrote this will?

"_'Finally, to my fifth apprentice Aeleus, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head,'_" Aeleus paused when he read that statement and grinned broadly. "_' But a rabid Bad Dog Heartless...to be placed in his trousers_!?!?_'_" At that moment, a large amount of snarling and ripping sounds came from the fifth apprentice's pants, who started to yelp loudly in pain as he attempted to pull out the Heartless inside.

"_'And- _Ow!_ And I leave my entire estate of- _Argh!! _Ten million Munny- _Gah!! _To the people of Radiant Gardens to help defend themselves against Unversed and Heartless attacks!' _Gotcha!" The Bad Dog Heartless was finally pulled out of Aeleus's trousers, and stared at the bewildered expressions on all the apprentice's faces from the table before being crushed by an Axe Sword.

Once Aeleus had returned from getting a change of pants, he was met with the very same question from the apprentices.

"Is that it?" Even asked as he cautiously stood up from under the table.

"That's it?" Ienzo questioned.

"That's disgraceful!" Braig exclaimed.

"Actually, there is one last thing..." Aeleus said as he read through the next part of the will. The others looked at him apprehensively.

"Cover yer heads everybody!" Braig shouted as he snatched up the bucket again.

"_'I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice-cream.'_"

"Ice-cream?" Everyone looked relieved and bewildered at the same time.

"Ice-cream, that's all?" Ienzo wasn't taking any chances.

"That's all." Aeleus smiled at everyone before noticing there was a final page to the document.

"Well what flavor is it?" Dilan asked as Braig removed his bucket helmet.

Aeleus turned over the page and stared in horror at the four words that stared back at him. "_'B-boot to the head...'_"

Chaos reigned as dozens of boots broke through all the windows in the living room and pummeled the six people inside. It was incredible that Ansem had managed to get his revenge on his apprentices in such an unusual manner, but Dilan's question remained, where did the boots come from?

* * *

From the rooftop of the adjourning house, two teenagers sat down in exhaustion among a large array of boots. "I think that's enough Lea...", the blue-haired boy panted.

"One more for the road then." Lea tossed another boot at the manor and was rewarded with another cry of pain from Even.

"Why do you think old Ansem paid us to toss boots at his house before he died?"

The redhead shrugged. "Beats me Isa. C'mon, lets go get some ice-cream."

"In the morning?"

"There's never a bad time to have ice-cream Isa!" Lea laughed at his best friend's foolishness.

Isa chuckled as the pair stood up. "Sea-salt flavor?"

"What else!?" Laughing, the duo slowly made their way down the fire escape and raced each other down to their favourite ice-cream parlor...

* * *

**Demyx: I'm glad I wasn't in that story! Those boots must've hurt!**

**Yeah well, it would've seemed odd to put you in there since you weren't one of Ansem's apprentices.**

**Luxord: For those who don't get the joke in the last part, Lea and Isa and 2 residents of Radiant Gardens, and are the original forms of Axel and Saix.**

**Demyx: Alright, show's over. Read and review people, and good night!!**


End file.
